Start a new life after heartbreak, don't give up
A severe heartbreak, can cause serious depression, rising blood pressure, chest pain and so on. How to come out of the depression and start living again?
It is a case of severe shock to the mind that creates in turn, like any other severe mental shock, serious physiological breakdown.
In such a case the sufferer is unable to use own reasoning to sort things out. The whole world goes dark and only one thought cycles continuously in the mind.
We who do not have direct or indirect experience of such heartbreak might take it lightly when it happens to one of our dear ones.
Thus goes our Rule 1:
Never take heartbreak lightly when it happens to someone dear to you.
Should immediately consult a suitable experienced physician if needed
An experienced physician, preferably an experienced psychiatrist, can make a lot of difference during the early stages. Unless the mind churning like a stormy sea is calmed down, it goes on hurting the whole physiological system, body and mind combined.
Human mind can cure illnesses like no medicine, and it can also damage the bodily system equally.
The professional psychiatrist can help in two ways:
- Knowing the ways of ailments of mind, just like other physicians know about ailments of body organs, a professional psychiatrist can prescribe medicines that would help stabilize the severe and sudden disturbance created in the mind, as well as making sleep come. Sleep by itself is a powerful rejuvenation mechanism. Other physicians may not be trained or experienced enough to prescribe a specialized and effective set of medicines at this early stage of shock.
- Usually no friend or relative may be able to console or communicate with the hurt person effectively, especially if the hurt person is an introvert. The very act of listening about the hurt and communicating with a soothing ear may work wonders. Fighting a battle alone is a great hardship. We always seek help or partners in our life battles. In case of heartbreak, because of its perceived ignominy, the hurt person tends to clamp oneself down to the outside world.
There is nothing to be alarmed about consulting a physician, because in case of heartbreak, if at all medical consultation is needed, it is a temporary need for a short period, just to get over the physical and mental broken down condition.
In most cases, in one or two weeks the recovery process would continue without any physician help. This is the second stage of recovery.
I would say this second and subsequent stages are more difficult to cope up with for a strongly positive final outcome.
There are two reasons for this observation:
- In the very beginning when you have just received the shock, your near and dear ones will all be highly concerned about your well-being and recovery. This in general is true for any ailment. When I suffer a heart attack, all friends and relatives gather around me ready to help. But after a few weeks when I am released from the hospital in a terribly weak and delicate condition, very few would be available for continued support.
- These second and subsequent stages involve complexities for which specialized help may not be available anywhere.
When you get back your basic physical abilities,
Involve yourself in a meaningful activity
The first thing you need to do is to involve yourself in a meaningful activity working hard and sincerely. There are various options depending on your circumstances and environment.
If you were involved in studies or work before the shock, work harder when you come back. Hard work in a friendly environment can do a lot of curing.
If you cannot find any paid work, seek and join an organization that helps underprivileged or handicapped children. This is a great cure, if your temperament is suited to it, for any severe psychological shock.
Creative work is one of the best medicines at this stage. Seek intensely involved creative work that otherwise you wouldn’t have thought possible.
Be among people as much as possible
You are lucky if you have a close-knit group of friends supporting you. It can even be a single person.
Friends can do wonders.
If you can’t find any, just go out to a railway station or a market with no specific purpose. Initially you may just observe the busy life passing you by. But think of a time when you can start conversation, especially with working class of people, about anything in life. You will be surprised how much companionship such an ordinary commonplace communication with a stranger can give you.
After all, you need to talk to human beings about human things of everyday life and thoughts. If it is a willing stranger better it is.
The most important element is constant touch with friendly warm people, may be six to seven hours a day. Don’t think that you would feel better if you are left alone. It doesn’t work out that way under this condition.
Regular physical exercise
Start a regular physical exercise everyday without fail.
Take long walks – we can praise a lot about the good effects of walking. It not only is a balanced physical exercise, it also nourishes and rejuvenates your mind.
A recent study has found walking to help generation of creative ideas. Personally I can vouch for this result.
Walking should preferably be in the morning or evening, with mobile phone switched to silence at the least, along a road with least car and human traffic.
Walking in a garden potentially can create amazing results.
Basically, the need is for walking along a long straight stretch, no worries of being run over or colliding with people, clean air to breath, no one around to talk and if possible greenery around.
Significantly, trees and greens automatically soothe human nerves and rejuvenates mind. Walking is the easiest of the possible regular physical activities.
If you do not have walking opportunity, the second best alternative is to start light breathing exercise, followed by Yogasanas and Pranayama. From the Internet you may get a lot of free help. Best course is to join a nearby Yoga club or engage a personal trainer at home. These resources abound in many places in the world. Morning TV sessions can also provide good help.
For short, medium and long term health benefits for anyone anywhere, there is no other course of daily activity better than guided freehand exercise followed by Yogasana and Pranayama.
Virtual world of Internet
Take to the virtual world of Internet if you like it. But be very careful as you are in a fragile condition now and susceptible to the pitfalls of the Internet.
Choose what you like to do best. There is enormous variety of treasures to enjoy in the virtual world. You have to search well and choose. Learning a new subject, social networking and chatting on the Net have the potential to help a lot if used intelligently and with discretion. As now you know the blows life can deliver, it is expected that you will start using your head more.
Go out for a trip to nature
Take a trip to nature. If possible go alone. Otherwise take only one or two trusted and supportive companions with you. An away from daily life experience can do wonders to your rejuvenation and recovery process.
Don’t stay cooped up in your room, just go out of doors to roam around, sit on a park bench, see life flowing around you, watch birds flitting.
Take the shock as a god gifted opportunity for wonderful new things
Believe in principle of hidden opportunity in every mishap. It is a great surprise for us to see that again and again after a shock, setback or mishap is experienced, life turns to a new phase that otherwise won’t have been visible at all.
We usually walk along the path of life routinely, like everyone around. This is the point of life when you have been forced to stop. Now is the time to,
- Explore what you really want to be and can be, what you really like to do
- Start along a new path that you have now chosen with your whole heart and mind.
Depending on your affinity, you may start painting, writing, blogging, music, enrol in a course, take vocational training that ultimately may result in good earning. Example is jewellery design, tailoring, handicraft and such other activities. Explore options, chose and experiment.
If you are in marriageable situation, systematically search for a suitable spouse. Now that you are more experienced, chances are better that you will be able to find a stable relationship.
There are all kinds of heartbreaks, the most severe being relational and financial. Books can be written on any of these, but a few truths unfailingly hold good.
A few truths
- Heartbreak comes mainly from high expectation, be it in relationships or in financial investment.
- With high expectation, risk also increases. If you are prepared to go into another risky situation, don’t hold yourself back, go ahead. It will be your conscious choice now. Otherwise, live life fully but reduce your material wants and expectations. Most ills originate in extra-large wants.
- If one relationship fails, there will be always another, in future. It is an unfailing truth; if only you keep your mental windows and eyes open. Remember, for every female there are many possible male matches if not in your immediate environment, somewhere further afield. The same goes for the converse.
- Being complex animals, no single human being can fulfil another human being completely. It is utterly unreasonable to expect that. Finally every human being is alone; born alone dying alone. On the way we gather relationships and experience emotions. The earlier you learn to think and act independently better it will be for you and everyone around you. The tough philosophy prescribed by the wise is to live life like taking a dip in a river without wetting yourself.
- Never stop loving if you are hurt once. Only next time onward, your reason and intuition will support you better. Remember, if you stop loving, you would stop living.
Unless you go through deep anguish and suffering how can you say you have lived your life!
Be sure, you are not alone, everyone around and known to you goes through hurts.
Know that experiences only teach you about life in a way that no teacher can teach.
With this learning only you can walk the paths of life a new and stronger person.
Finally, whoever you are, you have been gifted with enormous thinking assets. Only that you may not have learned how to use it fully. This is the opportunity to know your own self, and start a new life. Such an opportunity doesn’t come every day.
Pull yourself up, look around, start your journey now with renewed strength and hopes. Some of the till now closed windows in your mind have been forced open by the storm. Look out. Go out.
There is a long and bright life to be lived yet.
And help others if you can with your experience.